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[ If there is one thing Dodger is fantastically good at apparently, it is ruining a moment. But Genji can't even be mad or even offended by the comment. He just snorts dully, rolling his pale eyes. ]

Oh, you know me. Line out the door every morning for it.

[ He scratches at a scar on his cheek a moment. ]

The enhanced stamina in general is definitely a plus though. [ A pause. ] But you didn't find me here to exchange innuendo, surely.

Much as I love hearing about what Shigeru's getting on the side, nah.

[Though it does ruffle him a bit, thinking about that part of things. He's bonding with someone who's romantically entangled with the same man as him... which gives as many opportunities for learning about Shigeru as it does for fantasizing about crushing that metal jaw in his hands.

Chances are, the peaceful road will go far smoother in the long run.]

How do you do that meditation shit? I mean, there's a trick to it, right? Some kinda mantra or.. y'know, something? [He hesitates.] I mean, it'd be good not to... blow my lid whenever something pisses me off. Think rationally and all.

[ Ugh, he's not going to say anything to that. Dodger has no bearing on his feelings and relationship with Shigeru anyway... besides, he'd much rather the man be more peaceful himself. ]

It's a process. And it can't be done in one afternoon either. [ He puts his hands down on the grass. It might be turning a tad bit greener than it was before after a few minutes. ]

I spent years in an Omnic monastery in Nepal. That's not exactly an option for you, I'd say. But I can give... tips. If you are open to it.

I'm used to training. If you wanna try your hand at teaching me, I'm open. [He shrugs.] So. What've you got for tips.

[Honestly, Dodger has a 3rd grade education at best. He's not even sure Nepal exists in his world, or Genji's for that matter. Might just be a mystical made-up place to sound holistic. Omnic definitely doesn't sound like a real word.]

[ He cards his fingers through the grass that seems a little thicker all of a sudden. ]

It is as much about accepting the wrongs that were done to you as accepting that you have done harm to others.

[ He doesn't have to know, but Genji assumes Dodger has had some rather less than stellar things happen in his life to get him to this point. He knows his own circumstances at least. ]

And being able to take a step back and analyze what you feel before you lash out in anger. [ The 'you' is a universal one. This is something Genji has gone through himself. ]

[He pauses, and then falls back to sink into the grass. Idly, he notes that Genji's zen ass bullshit seems to even be making the plants around him happier... but really, it just serves to make something in the back of his mind that much more spiteful about the man.

He closes his eyes, and without even trying he can visualize the moment before he loses his cool. It's the most familiar feeling in the world, right up there with breathing and swallowing. That moment that the match is struck, just before someone sets him off, is almost like a cold moment of clarity...]

You even remember what it's like to lash out like that, Shimada?

Edited (MY POST WASN'T FINISHED...) 2018-03-08 01:58 (UTC)

I do. [ He looks at him. ] It wasn't that long ago, in the scheme of things. Reyes never told you stories about me, then?

[ The man had to pry him off of people and sedate him more times than he could count. ]

I was hardly a pillar of mental health before I got this body. I didn't take to it well.

Reyes did everything in his power to keep me from learning about you. I figure that meant he liked you.

[His tone immediately turns somber, thinking about Reaper. He hadn't even found out the man had gone home until... well, over a month after his disappearance. After Widowmaker and Sombra had both found their way back home. He guesses that means he's been healthier, if the dwindling presence of Overwatch and the Eluvio's crew had such a small effect on him.]

I loved that man, y'know. It was unhealthy, sure. He was disgusted with it. But he made me happy. Just those- small moments, when I saw his face under his mask, or he put his claws on me. Felt like everything was right again. Like I got so close to whatever I'm missing here.

[He seems like he's going to say something else, but he shakes his head and glances at Genji.]

I think you'll like what he did say about you, though - said whatever I had planned, if I thought I could get a leg up on you without getting myself hurt, I was a bigger idiot than I made myself out to be.

[ Genji lets out a hum in response. ] I think finding me here reminded him too much of who he was.

[ Now that's interesting and not terribly surprising either. Genji has seen a bit of his younger self in Dodger and he was much the same; desperate for real affection, too arrogant and stubborn to admit it. Genji himself never had much of an Authority Figure Crush on Reyes, but he knew plenty of people did. It wasn't hard. Tall, handsome, talented, deadly guy like that... Reaper, on the other hand though. Similar yet so different, an echo of the man Genji respected and would have followed into hell. ]

Reyes was the first man with authority over me I ever ended up respecting. I never told him that when he was 'alive' though. Reaper isn't really the man that used to be my commander.

[ He chuckles a little at that last part. He can't deny a faint little swell of pride in his chest. ]

He was always very confident in his ability to train us ingrates.

Guess he gave up, when he died... I guess if I was alive against my will I wouldn't wanna be babysitting either.

[He does wilt a bit, though, at the same moment that Genji seems to swell.]

Iunno if he didn't wanna put in the effort, or.. he just figured I was a lost cause. But he could've killed me loads of times and didn't, so that's gotta count for something, right? [He hesitates.] I even kissed him, and he let me live. Fuck knows why.

[Probably because Dodger was right from the beginning; Reaper isn't a villain. He's not a heartless psychopath like the sort of people Dodger hangs around, and that had confused Dodger for months until he started spending all his time around people that weren't the forgotten dregs of society. Now it seems... too late, to be realizing it.]

That's the problem, though, isn't it. I've never been on my own this long. I got- passed from hand to hand, growing up, always stuck by someone until it blew up on me and I had to move on. And- Reaper got pissed at me for it all the time, that I didn't know how to take care of myself, I kept expecting someone else to clean up my messes and tell me what to do, and... set rules and shit. I can live for someone else, sure, but not.. the kinda people that come through the portal. Not people like... Reaper... or... Shigeru.

One could argue I'm alive against my will too, when you think about it. [ It's just sort of a non-statement, a curious thought. Genji gets a little grimmer suddenly, mouth setting into a line with a click. ]

I grieved for that man. I'm not sure I can ever forgive him for that.

[ He listens to Dodger's little backstory, interested. He is still not very surprised and still finds himself understanding it to an extent. Genji had been nothing without the clan, without his family's influence. His father spoiled him and got him out of every scrape imaginable... and then Father was gone and he was a disgrace overnight. ]

Learning to understand kindness is enough of a lesson in and of itself. And having to face the consequences to your actions for the first time is sobering indeed.

[ He huffs. ] That does not surprise me though. Reyes was always good at training helplessness out of people.

[ Another pause. ] I know that Shigeru is rather an elephant in the room for us...

[He grunts in response, silent for a while as he stews in all this new information. Funny... he used to love information, but learning so much about himself makes his skin crawl.]

I'm not getting rid of you, am I. [He sighs.] Last time I tried to get Shigeru to ditch you, he almost killed me. So, I'm done causing you trouble - even I know better than to start a fight I already lost.

[Do you, Dodger. Do you really.]

I know Shigeru's already yours. Just- we never ended what we.. have. So.

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